My heart was crushed with grief ten months ago. My brother was tragically killed in a train accident. My mind spun uncontrollably. I could not focus on a logical thought. Nightmares kept me from sleeping. During the day, I could barely stay awake. I was so crushed with grief. I wanted to shut out the world. I wanted to die. BUT I knew it was against all I knew the Lord had taught me. I cried out to Him for relief. He met me where I was. He comforted me as I gave each hurt of my soul to Him. . I praise Him for lifting my spirit of heaviness. I Praise Him for using my heartaches and grief to teach me wisdom, empathy, and compassion. He has given me strength.
I debated on writing such an emotionally heavy post. I wanted my little blog to be a place to share all the funny, happy, goofy things in this mommy-monkey's world . However, sometimes life is heavy. I might need to share the load from time to time. With that said, if you would allow me to share with you a conversation I had with my Lord.
Lord,
How could I ever possibly be prepared for something like this? It all seems so final. No more chances to share our feelings and retrieve the time, to do and say the things undone. My heartaches. Yet at the same time, I feel Your comforting presence near.
How I praise You for comfort and strength in my time of grief. Little by little, layer by layer , You are healing my heart and soul. I praise You for surrounding me with Your warm, constant presence that helps fill the void within me. Thank you Lord, for reminding me in Your Word about life everlasting, because I know my dear one, loved You, all isn't final. There is life beyond death where no sadness or pain exists, a life that lasts forever. Someday You will wipe away all my tears.
Even though I have tears and heartache now, I thank You for Your promise that JOY WILL COME IN THE MORNING.
I realize, You are showing me it isn't my loved one I'm weeping for. It's me. Thank you God for Your comfort. I look forward to joining You in heaven someday and being with my brother once again. In the meantime, I know I have more to do for You here, Lord, so I will keep going on. I will serve you and praise You with all my heart.
I am humbled....your servant.
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