April 4, 2007

CRUSHED BUT NOT BROKEN

My heart was crushed with grief ten months ago. My brother was tragically killed in a train accident. My mind spun uncontrollably. I could not focus on a logical thought. Nightmares kept me from sleeping. During the day, I could barely stay awake. I was so crushed with grief. I wanted to shut out the world. I wanted to die. BUT I knew it was against all I knew the Lord had taught me. I cried out to Him for relief. He met me where I was. He comforted me as I gave each hurt of my soul to Him. . I praise Him for lifting my spirit of heaviness. I Praise Him for using my heartaches and grief to teach me wisdom, empathy, and compassion. He has given me strength.

I debated on writing such an emotionally heavy post. I wanted my little blog to be a place to share all the funny, happy, goofy things in this mommy-monkey's world . However, sometimes life is heavy. I might need to share the load from time to time. With that said, if you would allow me to share with you a conversation I had with my Lord.

Lord,

How could I ever possibly be prepared for something like this? It all seems so final. No more chances to share our feelings and retrieve the time, to do and say the things undone. My heartaches. Yet at the same time, I feel Your comforting presence near.

How I praise You for comfort and strength in my time of grief. Little by little, layer by layer , You are healing my heart and soul. I praise You for surrounding me with Your warm, constant presence that helps fill the void within me. Thank you Lord, for reminding me in Your Word about life everlasting, because I know my dear one, loved You, all isn't final. There is life beyond death where no sadness or pain exists, a life that lasts forever. Someday You will wipe away all my tears.

Even though I have tears and heartache now, I thank You for Your promise that JOY WILL COME IN THE MORNING.

I realize, You are showing me it isn't my loved one I'm weeping for. It's me. Thank you God for Your comfort. I look forward to joining You in heaven someday and being with my brother once again. In the meantime, I know I have more to do for You here, Lord, so I will keep going on. I will serve you and praise You with all my heart.

I am humbled....your servant.

Submitted to Scribbit's November Write Away contest: My Life Is Different Because Of...

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

Came on your blog by accident. So sorry to hear about your brother. Please accept condolences from a fellow blogger.

Nise' said...

Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for your loss. May God continue to comfort you and uphold you as you grieve.

kailani said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I can't imagine losing someone I'm close to. My prayers go out to you and your family.

Denise said...

I am so very sorry about the loss of your dear brother, will be praying for you.

Terri @ In His Hands said...

Thank you for sharing your grief. My heart cries out to you. Lifting you and your family up in prayer.

Blessings~

Dana said...

I am sorry too for your loss. Sometimes it is hard to be transparent and open up about something so hard, but I'm sure this will bless those who read it. Thank you for sharing. Blessings to you.

eph2810 said...

Thank you so much for sharing your heavy heart. Sometimes we just have to just write it out and praise Him in the storm.

Blessings to you and yours this Easter weekend.

Sharon said...

This is the best post I have read today. I am very sorry for your loss. While I know you suffer, it's beautiful to see how you are growing and haven't lost sight of HIM in all of this.
And to think this is your THAKFUL post...good for you.
Have a Blessed Easter!
You and your family are in my prayers.

Laurel Wreath said...

What pain for one heart to hold, but thank goodnes we have Christ to carry the load for us. And you are right, it is not your brother you weep for, for he would not want to return if given the chance, but it is for you. This seperation is only temporary, but I know the time being it is hard.

Blessings sweet friend.

In Light of the Truth... said...

What a beautiful prayer in the midst of such dark pain! I know it must have taken courage to write all that, and I thank for sharing your heart! Blessings to you on this exciting weekend!

devildogwife said...

That was beautiful. I'm so sorry about the loss of your brother. May God continue to work in you and give you the comfort and strength that you need during this time.

Pearls of Wisdom said...

I am so sorry about the loss of your brother. I will be praying for you and your family. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful testimony.
Hugs and Love,
Angel

Angela said...

That's sooo sad! I'm sorry for your loss. :((
Just remember when God closes a door, he opens a window.
You will be in my prayers and thoughts. :) *HUGS*

Lauren S. said...

What a beautiful prayer. Thanks for sharing your struggles. I will say a prayer for you today.

gil said...

Im so sorry to here about your brother - thank you so much for sharing your faith in Our Lord

Full Contact, Savior-centric Livin said...

Sorry to hear of your tragic loss--but pleased to hear how God is speaking to you through it.

Many blessings!

on the Rock said...

This is powerful, thank you for your openness to share.
God Bless

Sharon said...

This is my first visit to you and not my last.

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. God is our best comforter. I'll be praying for you.

Crystal said...

So sorry to hear about your brother...but I am also thankful that you will see him one day again and finish all those conversations you wanted to finish.....
Blessings to you this easter season!

By the grace of God ... said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. Sometimes it does ease the pain by sharing your pain .. the Lord will fully restore your joy. He's awesome, isn't he?

janiswrites said...

Sharing your grief can make it easier to bear sometimes. Just know that I am praying for you and for your family. It is never easy to lose someone-no matter what the circumstances or the age, but we have to believe that God is in control. If we can get to that point, then we can begin to heal. I think that you are on your way. Blessings to you. Thanks for visiting my blog.

PamperingBeki said...

Oh no!!!! I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. :( I'm in tears sitting here.

May God bless you and bring you peace that passes all understanding.
~Beki

Stine said...

So sorry about your loss. Here's to grief - and to joy...

Faerylandmom said...

Wow. Thank you for sharing your heart about this. I know that this post will minister to so many who are grieving.

Grace & Peace,
Faerylandmom

PS: Thanks for visiting me too. :)

Jen said...

Thanks for visiting my blog the other day

My deepest sympathy goes out to you. God is good. I had a rough last year too. Not as bad as yours (although it was bad) however God came to me in much the same way and allowed me to rest, grief and find comfort in Him. He is aweasome.

I think is good for us to express how we feel and sometimes by sharing it helps us. I encourage you to write "heavy" posts when you feel you need to. Im sure that you find great encourage and support from the blogging community.

AMAZING GRACIE said...

I just came from reading a blog by a young woman who lost her fiance in Iraq just two weeks before their wedding. But like you, she believes that they will see one another again and she has been able to lay her burden at the cross.
Like hers, your words will reach out from these pages and reach those that the Lord intends to touch with his mercy and peace. Thank you for your strength.
~~~Easter Blessings~~~

Leeann said...

My heart goes out to you. I don't quite recollect how I found myself here! I bookmarked you a few days ago. I am relatively new at blogger. May the Lord bless you at this time.

Susanne said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you and your family.

Carey said...

Im sorry to hear of your loss. may God continue to uplift you in this difficult and heavy time. You are in my prayers.

The Wooden Porch said...

I am so, so sorry about your brother. I'm glad he was a believer. Someday I'll meet him too.

Misslionheart said...

I lost my brother, too. He was 25 and the youngest of eight. To lose a child is a very tragic experience, to lose a brother...I'll never get over it.

Monkey Giggles said...

I want to thank you for your comforting comments. I truly appreciate them so much!

Annie said...

I only came across your blog today. I am just starting on the blog journey and exploring all sorts of links, tips etc and I found your blog at critiquemyblog. Anyway - this post made me cry and I am very sorry for your loss. My husband lost his sister 5 years ago in a tragic accident, and for him the pain and anger is all so raw at times. I pray often that he finds the peace and Grace to help him accept this. I pray that he finds the faith that you so obviously have and that that too will help him.

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) said...

Oh I am so sorry for your loss. How tragic! What a wonderful comfort though that you can turn to the Lord in honesty during your terrible grief.

Scribbit said...

How terribly sad for you and your family, I hope that time has helped to heal and that your holidays are happy.

childlife said...

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss... Your prayer was such a lovely portrait of faith. I'm so glad you had the courage to share such a personal piece of your life - you are an inspiration!